I tend to write in the blog when I am between exciting news. I'm pretty sure that's a good way NOT to get people to read your blog! After my last post I was so excited. And you never really see what's around the corner...
It takes a while to fill out an application, write a few essays, proof read them, etc. Finally we had everything we needed to turn in our paperwork. Now, this is just for the application to the adoption agency, not anything beyond that. So, I emailed them to see if they could send us a hard copy of an information packet and I get the following back: thanks for your interest, we are really excited to help, we are not accepting applications at this time. We will re-evaluate in 2 months.
Did you hear that? That was some serious wind being taken out of my sails. Ugh. Seriously? Have you ever felt like you are trying to do what God wants you to do and you keep hitting road block after road block? I mean, we aren't going into this without serious prayer, thought, discussion, prayer again. It is so frustrating.
Then I start to ask myself:
Question: "Are you sure this is what God wants?"
Answer: "aside from a burning bush or instructions written in chalk on my driveway? yes."
Question: "Is this part of God's timing?"
Answer: "well, yes, everything is part of his timing."
Question: "Have you ever really fought for anything? Like, against all odds? Or have you always walked on the safe, logical, team bench, sidelines?"
Answer: "well inner monologue, that's a bit critical, but I am a bit of a safety pup if you must know." Question: "Did the pilgrims turn around?"
Question: "Should they have?"
Answer: "No. They were convinced that this was God's plan for them, and regardless of the death and the cold and the dying and the cold, did I mention the death and the cold? they kept going. They had road blocks. They had plenty of reasons to think that God was telling them to go back."
So maybe I should stop over analyzing and worrying about what God is doing and just let him do.
And maybe, just maybe, I should not publish the conversations that I have with myself. Just kidding! What's the fun in that?